


Ten for Seven

by dogandmonkeyshow



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, trying to understand humans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 11:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4178874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogandmonkeyshow/pseuds/dogandmonkeyshow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor wants to experience a cultural phenomenon. Donna is far from impressed by his choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten for Seven

**Author's Note:**

> Written at the request of drusillas_rain in 2009, who asked for the Tenth Doctor's opinion on the Harry Potter books. So, cross-over fic. Kind of.

“Donna?”

“What?”

“Why are these people queuing in the middle of the night?” The Doctor adjusted his glasses as he peered into the display window. “It looks like a fancy dress party. I love a fancy dress party.” He looked closer, around the piles of books. “They’re all dressed as witches. And choirboys. Is it Halloween?”

“This is England, not America. We don't do Halloween.”

He read the covers of the books in the window. “What’s this Harry Potter thing, then?”

She rolled her eyes. “Nutters who read kids’ books. Don’t see the point, myself.”

“Can’t be just ‘kid’s books’. Look at that crowd! And the costumes! And the bored mums! Looks more like a cultural phenomenon to me.” He turned to her, the grin she knew meant trouble on his face. “Would you say this is a cultural phenomenon?”

“Uh, maybe?”

“Fantastic! I haven’t had a cultural phenomenon in weeks!” And bold as brass, he strode past the queue and into the shop.

Donna stretched out a hand. “Hey, you can’t—” She gave an apologetic smile to the two hatchet-faced girls at the front of the queue. “He’s going on a trip. Needs something for the plane. You know how it is. Men.” Then she hurried after him. Not even Gallifreyan technology would be able to save him from this many murderous fangirls if they thought he might be trying to jump the queue.

By the time she’d managed to shoulder her way through a gang of makeup-plastered fourteen year olds wearing little more than choir robes and green and grey striped ties, the Doctor had made his way to the counter.

She groaned. He was flashing that psychic paper around again. And he had a pile of hardbacks tucked under his arm.

“Thank you. I’ll be sure to let head office know how helpful you’ve been.” He bent down to read the clerk’s badge. “Miss Snape.” Then there was the cheeky grin again. “I’ll leave you to the party, then. Very nice work with the—” He waved his free hand in the general direction of the displays. “Those. Over there.” He saw Donna approach. “By, then!” And he was off in the general direction of the other exit.

By the time she caught up with him, he was ploughing his way through a group of drunk summer students wending their way up St. Aldgate’s from Christ Church. His nose was buried in a slim volume with a cartoonish picture of a bespectacled boy and a red train on the cover.

“You could have got the adult versions, at least.”

He glanced up. “Adult versions?”

“Covers without kiddie pictures.”

He dodged a dog lifting its leg to a lamp post. “No, wouldn’t want that! Seems like a lie, pretending to be grown up when its not. And what’s wrong with looking childish? You humans try to grow up too fast.” Returning his attention to the book, he skirted a teenaged girl vomiting into the gutter, her hair held back by a friend. “Can't say I like the sound of this Dursley fellow.”

Donna sighed and followed him back to the TARDIS.

~ + ~

The Doctor lay back on the sand, squinting up into the sunlight. “I needed this week off more than I knew.”

“Just what the doctor ordered.”

He grinned up at her. “Nice sarong.”

“I bet you’ve said that to all your girls.”

“No.” The grin faded a bit. “Not had a chance in a while, actually.” He waggled the thick book in his hand at her. “This one’s not bad, you know. She’s killed someone off, finally.”

“Oh, very nice. Your definition of a good book, then, someone murdered?”

“Makes it realistic. People die in the real world. You should try these, you know. Ethics are a bit dodgy, but they’re not bad.” He turned a page and returned his attention to the book. “I wonder if she has the nerve to kill off someone important.”

“That’s a bit heartless for a kids’ book.”

“Stories should reflect real life. Important people die, too. Not just miscellaneous redshirts.”

“What?”

He turned back to the book. “Never mind.”

~ + ~

“Well, that was a bit disappointing.”

Donna didn’t bother turning to face him; she’d just got comfortable laying on her stomach. “What? She didn’t kill off enough people?”

“Nah, she killed off plenty.” He placed the last book on the top of the pile next to his beach towel. “Was kind of hoping she’d kill off the kid, though. Why is it the heroes are always so boring? Is it some sort of human thing? You have to make them boring to compensate for getting all the girls and the glory?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t know there was a lot of girl-getting in those.” She waved in the general direction of the books with her marguerita.

“Some. Not really, though. Apparently, wizards reproduce by magic.”

She turned her head and watched him wave a small palm frond at the surf. “What?”

“Magic, yes. No sex in those.” He pointed at the sex-less objects rapidly being buried in blowing sand.

“Not enough killing, no sex. Any other complaints?”

“Other than missing a competent copy editor, nothing comes to mind right away.” He lay back on his towel. “They’re not bad, though.”

“Sounds very enticing: no sex, boring hero, not enough killing, full of mistakes.”

“Don’t sound like that! There has to be something in them to get all those girls to dress up as choir boys.”

Donna pondered for a minute. “The bad guys are blond. And not bad looking. In kind of a poncy way.”

The Doctor watched the palm frond cartwheel down the beach in the breeze. “That’s it? Blond villains?”

“Super-secret human knowledge. I may have to kill you now, you know.” She tapped the side of her nose with a finger. “Blond villains sell.”

He leant back on his beach towel. “You learn something new every day, don’t you?” Then he laughed.


End file.
